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St. Patrick’s Day rocks, and so do the Irish. Aside from New Year’s Eve, what other day can you get away with vomiting alcohol before noon? Thanksgiving? Bullshit. Sure, you’ll do some drinking. Maybe a lot of it. But bet your ass that your aunt or your father or your new wife who’s trying to impress your mom will nag the shit out of you for being drunk and telling “nigger jokes” at the dinner table. Your other relatives that you don’t see as much will trade uncomfortable glances while making excuses to leave and beat the I-95 traffic.

What do they know anyway?

Oh, by the way, don’t drink green beer on St. Patrick’s day. Drink normal beer. If you were in Ireland and ordered a goofy-ass green beer, they would drag you out into the street and beat the shit out of you! It’s not Irish. Green beer has nothing to do with St. Patrick’s day or Ireland or being Irish. Don’t drink American piss water light beer, drink Guinness, Harps, or Smithwicks. You don’t have to wear green either. Actual Irish people in Ireland don’t. If you think green is Irish, it could also be blue. Or orange. You don’t drink red beer on Christmas, do you? Orange beer on Halloween? Don’t ruin good beer with false food coloring you stupid fuck.

Every year St. Patrick’s day rolls around and I think again - there’s a bunch of dumb fucks drinking Bud Light green beer, oblivious.

And don’t even get me started on “Irish car bombs”.

Yeah, Happy Mick Day you fucks!