A salesman is lost in a rural area and stops at a farm to get directions. As he is talking to the farmer he notices a pig with a wooden leg. “How did the pig get a wooden leg?”, he asks the farmer. “Well”, says the farmer, “that is a very special pig. One night not too long ago we had a fire start in the barn. “Well, sir, that pig set up a great squealing that woke everyone, and by the time we got there he had herded all the other animals out of the barn and saved everyone of them.” “And that was when he hurt his leg?” asked the salesman. “Oh no” says the farmer. “He was fine after that.

Though a while later I was in the woods out back and a bear attacked me. Well, sir, that pig was near by and he came running and set on that bear and chased him off. Saved me for sure.” “So the pig injured his leg then,” says the salesman. “Oh no. He came away without a scratch from that.

Though a few days later my tractor turned over in a ditch and I was knocked unconscious. Well, that pig dove into the ditch and pulled me out before I drowned.” “So he hurt his leg then?” asks the salesman. “Oh no,” says the farmer. “So how did he get the wooden leg?” the salesman asks. “Well”, the farmer tells him, “When you have a pig like that, you don’t want to eat him all at once.”

I’m sure you all realize by now that the entire fucking world views us as war mongering greedy thieving tyrants. So ya’know what? I suggest that we start living up to our perceived reputation.

For starters we need to completely takeover the middle east and any other country or region that has the ability to produce oil. The best way to accomplish this is to kill every cocksucker that might possibly put up resistance then kill all the pussies that were too afraid to resist. Next we need to kill all inhabitants of third world countries that are incapable of producing substantial and consistent amounts of natural resources that would be useful to us. We can use the land as dumping grounds for dead bodies, toxic waste, our prison population etc.

Korea and China, hell, maybe even Russia for that matter should be nuked until the landscape is nothing but a bubbling sea of rubble and miserable fucking death. Then we should turn Europe into our industrial machine using Europeans as our slaves, or kill them. I haven’t figured this out all the way yet, but I’m certainly not keen on letting them live either. We don’t need to be breathing in all that pollution… let the Pollocks and Germans eat all that fuckin shit. Australia shouldn’t be fucked with because although I’ve never been there I hear it’s quite nice, and they really don’t stir up any shit.

Oh yea, I think we should kill everyone in Mexico and South America as well. We’ll need to leave Canada untouched as much as it pains me cause lets face facts folks, we’re always gonna need wood.

A few of my neighbors need to be killed as well, or be forced to work at fuckin Jiffy Lube.

I’d be willing to say that after we do all this gas should be around 25 cents per gallon…hell, maybe even cheaper.

Now, was that so hard?

I’m done.